(Or, My recipe for pumpkin pie.)
Read the recipe on the back of the pumpkin can and beat up however many eggs they say with a fuckload of cinnamon, cloves, and molasses. Mix in the salt and a slightly smaller shit ton of nutmeg, ginger, cardamom, maple syrup, and mace (if you don't have any don't use a shot of the spray, a friend did that once and it was fucking hilarious but a total disaster). Stir in the sugar, then the pumpkin, then the evaporated milk (but do the milk in small pours because otherwise when you try to stir it the stuff splashes fucking everywhere). Make little ruffly edges on the top of the cases because everyone knows